Reverse Engineering the Steve Jobs Biographies: Part 3

on product roadmaps, population demographics, & pancreatic cancer

Around 2004, Apple began making plans for a gradual switchover to Intel processors and UEFI firmware.

The reason the public heard for this was that IBM “couldn’t” produce the types of chips Apple needed for its prosumer and consumer hardware: fast, low-power variants for laptops and full-throttle desktop chips that could compete with Intel on clock speed and performance. It was Just Too Hard and Intel was Just Too Good.

this, naturally, was total bullshit.

Fast-forward thirteen years: Edward Snowden, whom the human periodically trolls on Twitter for being an  overpaid, deluded, undereducated lump of human garbage, goes on a Twitter tirade (later deleted) about how awesome it would be if AMD open-sourced its firmware because this would be such a revolutionary and wonderful thing. Wait, is that circular reasoning?

in fact, it would be neither revolutionary nor wonderful: see, Steve Jobs used Sun Microsystems’ OpenFirmware for all of his PowerPC-based Macs for literally all of 22 years prior to Snowden’s spontaneous live-tweeted (twitted? twatted?) stroke of genius

and this is probably why IBM said “sorry, we’re…we just…uh…we just suck too much, we can’t do this for you”

BECAUSE WHEN YOU MAKE THE GODDAMNED CHIPS FOR EVERY SINGLE ULTRA ENTERPRISE SERVER BEHIND EVERY MAJOR BANK AND AIRLINE AND CLOUD SERVICE AND MAJOR CORPORATE DATABASE it doesn’t make sense to allow a demographic BULGE (the children of the Baby Boomer generation) of people heading off to university CS programs to easily learn to work on your architecture at a low level. This is NOT what the USA likes to do in its management of the labor market and it is also potentially a security nightmare.

instead, we got Python and the Raspberry Pi and a veritable sea of now-Intel MacBook-toting CS grads, blissfully unaware of…well, for now, let’s just say ‘a lot’, who used Apple all throughout school thanks to John Sculley’s incredible ability to ram even the worst garbage Apple ever made through state government procurement channels. the rest is history. oh, and we got this Russian iPhone ad too, which may or may not have its origins in a stupid American “dick-in-the-box” joke
“In her dreams. In your gift box.”

*Barry White voice* “oooohhhh…yeaaaahhh.”