The Unified Theory Of Edward Snowden

we don’t take Edward Snowden very seriously

because he’s either a complete idiot or a CIA provocation

the human delineates possible scenarios along two lines: House Snowden and Field Snowden

“why are you using this terminology? it’s offensive!” kill yourself. Snowden’s a high school graduate and just a computer tech – not a high value or smart guy. he made a six figure salary due to the insanity of US Government largesse under an administration that was purposely bankrupting itself just to see if it could and stupidly gave up a great life he’d never have anywhere else.

the House Snowden possibilities are as follows:

  • CIA provocation 1: Snowden’s defection is done with his full collaboration from the beginning as a provocation for political purposes as different US government agencies attempt to rival each other for power and influence – in this case, perhaps to weaken the NSA. This is reasonably possible: all of the Bush administrations were seriously heavy on CIA influence, while Obama was a big NSA proponent (and had to be to keep the CIA under control)
  • OR: Snowden, having possibly run into some trouble due to political beliefs/leanings, defected due to fears in re: personal safety and weaved a post-hoc narrative in which he publicly gave up a bunch of mostly worthless information (most of which the human knew about already having simply grown up in a town that formerly housed a research facility for a major US tech firm) and used it to brand himself as some sort of freedom fighter, which he has more or less done successfully so far.

and now we come to Field Snowden:

  • CIA provocation 2: Snowden is the ultimate enterprise software salesman’s demo presentation. Having been gradually radicalized to extremist libertarian beliefs via poor education and resulting inability to meaningfully critique propagandistic content, he has surrounded himself with people who are demographically similar, hold simple worldviews, and only reflect his rigid and uninformed convictions about society. Much like Muslims who Western social media radicalizes in order to stoke the multiplier-based American economic demand model via terrorism, Snowden became radicalized as the result of a psy-ops experiment (much as many Muslim terrorists have) and only boarded a flight to Hong Kong instead of strapping on an explosive vest and boarding the NYC subway due to the ingrained expectations of white, suburban American corporate/government culture. His defection and revelations are worthless and the CIA intended for this to be the case from the beginning as a warning to the world of what they are capable of.

anyway, there he was, sitting in the HK airport

CHINA: “uh, we don’t want this guy. we’re good at this whole totalitarianism bit already, no need for another low-IQ white guy unless he has lighter eyes, sorry”

RUSSIA: “well we could take him. let him sit and stew in Sheremetyevo for a month or so, you know the drill, lace his meals at McDonalds and Sbarro with the laxatives we put in the beer at all the tourist places in Moscow to fuck with the foreigners, give him a media circus with some guy who wants to make a name for himself as a one-shot human rights lawyer then give him a government apartment in Podmoskovie and a data entry job at VKontakte or something, maybe a lifetime free pass on Aeroflot for the stripper too. then we can sit back and laugh when no one in America even listens to him.”

HK: “yeah, sounds good to us, I’d hate to do the same in the airport here, the bathroom custodian’s too nice a guy. thanks again.”